How I made the hardest decision in my life?

   This life is very complicated. Very complicated than anyone can imagine sometimes. It’s like a graph which goes up and down. Sometimes it’s a success. Sometimes it’s a failure. No matter what, you should keep going. That is what you called living. It’s really hard sometimes. Hard enough to make you feel down. I too went through such an occasion in my life. It was terrible.Horrible like a nightmare. But those moments was real. Very real.

   It happened to me few years ago. Simply what I had to do in those frames in my life was to pick one from two. I know it sounds simple. 

  But trust me it was really hard decision for me. I think it was the hardest decision I‘ve made in my entire life. Actually I had to pick a side from two very heart touching parties to me. Better to say I had to drop one party forever. Sometimes I still can’t imagine how I made such a choice. How could I be so cold blooded?

  It was clear to me that, the party I’m going to drop won’t forgive me forever and will named me as a traitor. But the hardest part wasn’t being a traitor. It was to forget all the help I got from the party I’m going to drop. You may say it’s not a hard decision at all. 
Because you can just choose the party who has helped  you the most, who has care for you the most, who is the most toughing to your heart, who is  helpful to you the most.

   My bad!

  Both parties were balanced in my balance.
Neither up nor down. 

Huh!  

  What a terrible decision was it to me since it directly affected to my life. No matter what was the decision I make I was going to lose one party in my life forever. To be more clear, I was going to lose one party though I made a choice or not.

  I was so surprised of my life. I’ve never done anything wrong in my life with my knowledge. I’ve never hurt anyone in my life intentionally. So how I ‘m suppose to lose my hearties? Why I’m suppose to bare such a pain in my life. I felt like I‘ve being tested by whoever the almighty up their so badly. As everyone told me I was a sweet and cool person. I don’t know who or what it is, but it made me suffer. 

 

   I always asked myself “why always me?’But there was no one to answer me that time. I was alone. No one was with me. To be more specific I didn’t had the chance to tell about my problem not even to a friend. 
 Back then I felt like I was like a loving pet mouse kept in a cage. You get everything there accept freedom. I thought, I thought and I thought and I cried a lot. I’m a person who rarely cry and only when I ‘m helpless. 

  In this period of my life I was truly helpless. There was no one to help me and no one to ask for help because everything was in my hands. I didn’t had anyone to talk I didn’t had anyone who I can trust on. I only had with me with me. I felt really sorry about myself.

            ”you born along you die alone”

   So, why you need someone else to support you in survival? You are strong enough to be alone and survive along. If you could born and die alone. You are strong enough to make the correct decision. I’m pretty sure that you don’t know that you are the strongest when you are alone. 

 You have to find your strength do to right when you are alone. You have to find the strength to fight alone. You have to find your strength to face your life alone. You may not believe, if I say that the 'alone you' have the biggest strength. But it is been hidden for decades, since you always have received someone’s help and always sought for help in your life. 

 That’s what I‘ve learn in the time I was alone. I had on one on my side. No one to guide me. No one to show me the right path. I felt like the whole world was against me. All were against my way. It made me so down. I’ve never faced to such an occasion because I always had helps.

   You may be alone but you still can make the correct decision good for your life alone. Just listen to your heart. It’ll always tell you what is correct. My heart also told me what was good for me. It told me the side I should pick. But I couldn’t accept it as my decision at the beginning. How I could pick up one from the two heartiest parties in my life?

    But I had to. I had to make my decision making the least amount of damage in every means. At last I made that hardest and the saddest and one of the most important decision in my life on the basis of doing something good for another live. I dropped one party and pick the other. 

 Making my predicts success the party I’ve drop label me as a  traitor and a bad ass. They are fair from their side. They should never forgive me, after all the things they have done for me. But most painful thought is to know that ,they won’t ever know that what I did is the correct.

   My good name, my personality, my pride and my honor were wiped off after it. I have nothing left with me now. Noting! If I pick the other side I could have everything I lost but the others‘ll suffer lot. 

 

   So after all I’m happy for my life. With that decision I’ve made though I lose everything to myself I saved a life. And I’ll be able to be a part of lot of good works, which be for the sake of the society. 
  
I’m proud of me because I could be generous to sacrifice my  everything for a second party and for good though I miss everything I lost many times a day in my life. I think I should be grateful to my heart for leading me to the right direction. 

 So if you came across with situations where you are all alone just thrust your heart and proceed on. Always believe your heart it’ll guide you to the correct path. 
  
But after all I must tell you that bitter moments still make me so worried. I think I still can’t get rid of it and never will.